Posta–wha????

The joy of new love took over in May.

The writing bug bit me and I wanted so badly for the dream of writing everyday to be reality.

A daily dose of “me time.”  Self-expression, witty pros, new insights, bravery and vulnerability poured into every post.

Fantasies of helping people who could use a daily dose of humor and humanity.

‘Post-a-day’ Widget installed!

I went for it.

Jumped in the deep-end, confident this new blogging career would take off.  A new post every day.  What could be so difficult about that?

Apparently everything.

I was consumed.  Much in the way that I used to fall in love.  Obsessed over every detail of the writing, every view, every like.  Do they like it? (Do they like me?) It got way too personal, way too quickly.

The desire for pure self-expression turned to; What will they think? This isn’t good enough!

Then my kids got out of school for the summer.  Blaming them for my inability to write was a great story and it worked for a while.

But let’s be real:  I was TERRIFIED   (and in denial)

Hilarious insights and ideas occur to me all the time.  I get so excited! Finding a way to effectively communicate those ideas and insights while listening to all of my self-criticism is exhausting.

Publicly committing to posting something everyday was not a good way to ease myself into something new.  The shame and guilt over this public failure further stymied any attempts at writing. 

I am grateful to have failed. Grateful to have started again.  Grateful to have leaned more ways to be gentle with myself.  Grateful to write.  Grateful to share.

All is as it should be.

 

2 Replies to “Posta–wha????”

  1. I try to spew out just 2 posts a week. Sunday morning, before church of course, and my Monday day off. I also try to spend some time reading other bloggers and commenting or at least hitting the Like button, when I can. I obsess when I lose a Follower, something I wrote?, didn’t write right?, who knows? I try to remember that I write mostly for my own entertainment and if somebody decides to Like it, great. I enjoyed your post because it touched on some of the things I worry about way too much. Hope you keep writing.

    Liked by 1 person

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